I can’t pinpoint it, but there was a moment I realized society itself; what I was seeing, was actually in some sense, not what was there.
You can say it like Carlin and be like: “Society’s full of shit.”
And…That it is, but why?
In Elementary school at Ravensworth in Springfield VA; it was like Lord of the Flies meets Clueless. Really. I mean it. I had a real Empire sort of societal microcosmic experience there at that little school of all of reality I could, at the time; ever have imagined. I don’t remember wanting something outside of that other than my incessant daydreaming, which was another place and pretty much where I’ve always resided. My early childhood friend was a Cloud. I’ve been a lonely fuckin’ kid. I can see outside of myself now. Anyway, There was David Vorjaw, and Tiffany Cuzen. Weird names. I fell in love in six grade for the first time and remembered Unchained Melody that sounded to me at the time; like nothing more beautiful could exist. I later learned that was false
I’ve always been into blondes until my fianceé. Who pretty much put me back to my mother and grandmother’s hair color and texture altogether. Uck. Anyway, I think everything in any organism’s mind, is completely tied to sex. Even and I’d say especially for a-sexuals. The act of reproduction is inherent in the organism’s very being. Metaphysical. Meaning superficially; in all possible worlds, dimensions and forms for all time, in all times–forever in all forevers. People forget all of what reality actually does encompass when you think about it. — That’s I believe what the true intended age-old definition is or should be. The study of Absolute Reality. My favorite. Metaphysics is an Artist’s playground. An Artist is a professional Metaphysician. Not this trite mystical crap. Though I like that trite mystical crap. On a playful level that sometimes crisscrosses.
Back to David. I was in I think 5th grade, so was he,…and…its where I realized that I had artistic talent. This was a bolstering to my self-esteem that was neededly excessive. And Im glad. It was coming from the very liberal theory at the time the 90′s, where positive reinforcement and anti-competetive attitudes were a stark and often invisible contrast to the world outside, that is, most primarily the world that advertising has created.
David was a rich kid sort of kid. Blonde dome of hair dolloped over a round cranium. So round. Strange. He had a typical smile and a typical face with freckles. His Dad, well, we never knew altogether what Dad’s did in my white suburban neighborhood, but his Dad was some kind of government contractor no doubt. I always thought he was mean. Stolid certainly. Maybe he was military…White guy. He taught us, upon seeing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1989 I believe, that the best way to get someone not to sit in the seat in front of you, was by resting your jacket there. Being dumb fuckin’ 12 year olds (I think) we thought this was mighty clever. Beyond that even. Wows all around.
What a dick. Fuckin’ Idiot. Yeah, fuck em. Anyway, their house was nice. Of course. He had some token blonde wife. She was smart and acted dumb when there was company. This is in the 1990s mind you, before the fictional days took over with life-reflective devices and the current emerald forest they are creating. The pre 9-11 days. Before the woods and the twilight ecochambers. Before Macs and smart phones. Before artists could have a chance of taking over. Before the country went totally nuts. Remember those days? The days where the Iraqis really were the enemy and our government was valiantly “saving” the people of Kuwait. Those poor poor people. I think they were totally a rich country right? Hmm. And of course, the oil. When underneath it all, is always a lie. The photo negative, is the propaganda, we don’t know is propaganda.
Well David, was living propaganda…He tried to steal my girlfriend. Manipulative little fucker. After being my best friend. He was jealous in some fundamental way I still can’t put my finger on…
To be continued later today if not tomorrow…
Just got done with it today!