Loyalty & Conformity: Friends vs. Ideas – Part III

This is a continuation of the original blog, go back to Parts I & II to understand anything whatsoever:

These excuses however much they ranged, had one thing in common: they tended to be things that could never quite be acknowledged or confirmed as blatant contradictions.

For example, Todd and Ed have both done business with each other where clients were involved. The typical story is that I hear Ed is always making things up ‘to cover his own ass.’ I hear the very same thing from Ed about Todd. But, I notice, despite not being able to confirm Ed or Todd’s alleged late appointments or deadlines, and even despite first hand observations where Ed DID make certain things up, one common element remained: Todd’s accusations usually did not include specifics and Ed’s, did. To boot, Ed almost always described his stories in the first person. Even further, when asked or when was more critical, Todd was just as defensive as Ed, and should point out, I wasn’t critical for a very long time of Todd due to his ability to articulate himself which was so on par with how I communicate.

Specific times and dates were something Ed was always defensive about, except in instances about which, Todd’s alleged negligence was involved—further making me think from hindsight that Todd is actually the main perpetrator.

That is, however, it is more likely that Ed is telling the truth since his descriptions, of many, are virtually all described in the first person, not the third, and almost all are much more specific including dates and times, far more often.

To boot, going back a bit, and as a good memory serves, this exact phone call, (the one that was recently made to my other friend of 13 yrs, Ed) happened to me about a year or so ago, Todd told me he no longer was inviting me to his parties (even despite me going) due to my past ‘reprehensible behavior.’

(This same friend, Todd, also had sex with my girlfriend behind my back, DID come out with and apologize for it, but also had nothing to lose in the face of his many ‘friends’ (save his ‘close’ ones) by apologizing and coming clean. )

Another pattern could be nailed down which is important as an ‘across the board’ factor:

I always wondered why Todd would change the dates or times of our ‘hanging out’ or meeting up sessions. I didn’t really care that he did it, it was admittedly a little annoying, but I put up with it, and didn’t think too much about it.

This happened a whole lot though, and I noticed also applied to places such as where to hang out. I also noticed that ‘where to hang out’ was always an issue BEFORE getting together, but not after. I also noticed that it was usually in his car.

It was about the time that the girlfriend he slept with, slept with him, that this girl ironically, pointed something curious about Todd out:

“He always changes the terms of getting together, he does this, so it can be on his terms—he’s a power freak.”

She said this to me after I forgave her (stupid or not) one time upon waiting at home with her for Todd to rendezvous with us, allegedly to meet up and give a formal apology and perhaps ‘talk things out.’

We were all intelligent people who had great articulation skills and allegedly could talk about things openly with each other, even if, about each other in the most sensitive ways.

Then I noticed in Technicolor accuracy the power-trip mentality behind Todd in a very seemingly minor, but subtle way:

Me: “Do you want to get together at 7?”

Todd: “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Todd: “How about 9?”

Me: “Great, good time.”

Todd: “Okay, though, I still have to think it through though.”

Me: “How about at Xando Cosi’s”

Todd: “Okay, sounds good.”

Todd (after an hour): “At Che-Chas, 10 o’clock.”

Me: “Good.”

Todd didn’t show up or gave some excuse to not show up. Later on that week, HE showed up on HIS own terms and I came by to write him off since he was being such a pain about it. BUT, observe, that in the end—even the small rendezvous between us, had to be on HIS own terms. Even when HE was the one who had committed the wrong.

This was minor, but it illuminated all the other times dates, places and times, were changed, omitted, and rearranged to suit: HIM.

It also illuminated other ways in which he was down right manipulative. I then began to remove the benefit of the doubt damn from blocking a well-deserved reservoir of over looked things.

I began to notice how he would always open the door for you, and always set the terms of just about anything, even going to the supermarket. He got away with so much by being articulate and seeming reasonable.

To be Continued Tomorrow in Part IV…

www.nealcormier.com

Add to Technorati Favorites

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s