Epic Life

“Sieze the day boys…make your lives extraordinary.”

“I say that one must be a seer, make oneself a seer. The poet makes himself a seer by a long, prodigious, and rational disordering of all the senses. Every form of love, of suffering, of madness; he searches himself, he consumes all the poisons in him, and keeps only their quintessences. This is an unspeakable torture during which he needs all his faith and superhuman strength, and during which he becomes the great patient, the great criminal, the great accursed – and the great learned one! – among men. – For he arrives at the unknown! Because he has cultivated his own soul – which was rich to begin with – more than any other man! He reaches the unknown; and even if, crazed, he ends up by losing the understanding of his visions, at least he has seen them! Let him die charging through those unutterable, unnameable things: other horrible workers will come; they will begin from the horizons where he has succumbed.

-Arthur Rimbaud

It’s really hazardous to vow things to yourself. The power of inner suggestion is far too powerful to handle consciously. I vowed these two tenets when I began to think of life as a means of living and not slavery.

You know most people? They’re just slaves. Anyone that does not live by the two tenets here is a slave by definition as someone who does not live on one’s own terms.

Someone today caught me though, and brought a spring back to my life.

I talked to my daughter today for the first time in I don’t know how long. She sounded so much older. That meant nothing to me growing up, but it does now. I know the meaning of it, of someone’s progress. She’s French, so most of our talk was in her native tongue although she  seems to understand a lot of “L’Anglais.” She was so cute and intelligent, something curiously apt behind every simple thing she illuminated. Talking about her school and her cats. She just lost her grandfather too. And her father, (me) is more than 5000 miles away. We will talk on the phone tomorrow. Again. She called me Daddy. That was surprising, she has so much reason to hate me.

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